


Hearts a Mess

by Beaurgard



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, i have...... feelings, just give her time, so does yasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 04:03:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14729603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beaurgard/pseuds/Beaurgard
Summary: Yasha's heart is a mess. Beau is well aware.





	Hearts a Mess

Yasha watched her breath form clouds of mist in the crisp morning air.

Everyone was rising from their slumber as she kicked out the embers of the campfire. Caleb rolled Nott’s head from his lap as he recovered his cloak from her grasp, shrugging it over his hunched shoulders. Jester yawned and stretched, poking Fjord in the face. He groaned awake, sparing the tiefling a dangerous glance which she returned with a giggle. Molly was yawning, his jewelled hands combing through his hair as he sat atop the wagon.

Beau was, of course, the last to wake up. Yasha watched as she rolled over in the grass, muttering a string of words into the dirt. Molly said something she doesn’t catch and Beau snaps him a middle finger. Yasha liked to think that the pair were only pretending to dislike each other. She hid a smile as Beau eventually crawled to her feet, wiping soil from her face.

Yasha gathered her bedroll and packed it into the wagon, murmuring a good morning to Molly. Grinning, he ruffled her braids and hopped down, wandering over to Caleb to make a nuisance of himself. Yasha began walking to her horse, a large black stallion that Nott had surely named something crass. Before she reached him she caught sight of Beau in the corner of her eye.

The monk was securing her staff to one of the saddlebags, tugging a little harder than what was required. Her breath came out in puffs of mist, goosebumps visibly speckling her arms.

Yasha thought about that other night. They had talked for quite some time, Beau hopelessly trying to flirt with her as she pretended not to notice. It was cruel,what she had done, but the idea of flirting back almost terrified her. She knew that Beau fancied her. Whether it was physical attraction or something more, it didn’t matter. The facts were there. Swallowing her fear, she turned from her horse and headed towards the monk’s. 

“It’s cold, huh?” Yasha said, walking up to Beau. Her voice was still hoarse from sleeping and she pointed into the air almost shyly. “You can see your breath.”

Beau stopped tugging on the ropes. Eyebrow raised, she turned to Yasha. “Yeah... you sure can. Everything alright?”

Yasha laughed, running a hand through the back of her hair. Nervous energy urged her onwards. “Yeah I- Look, I haven’t been very forthcoming with you-”

“Forthcoming?”

“Yes. The other night, when we were on watch? I don’t know what I was doing.” Yasha looked away, her smile fading. 

Beau let go of the ropes, her staff dangling atop the saddlebag. Yasha caught her sparing the rest of the group a cautionary glance. “What do you mean Yasha?” she said, looking back, “I was just being stupid-”

“No, you weren’t. I was pretending like I didn’t know what you were doing and- and that wasn’t right.” Yasha met Beau’s gaze, the feeling of guilt growing in her stomach. “I _know_ you’ve been trying to flirt with me and I keep acting like an oblivious fool.”

Beau stared at her. “Do you mean- Does that mean you want to flirt back?” For the first time since they met the monk sounded almost hopeful. 

Yasha lowered her gaze again, ashamed. “I told you, I haven’t been very forthcoming and- and I’m sorry.” She looked up. “I like you Beau, I really do, but there are things keeping me from wanting… any of this. Right now. Nothing to do with you- just, other things.” The words tumbled from her mouth, rushed and meaningless.

Beau laughed but Yasha could hear the disappointment in her tone. “Hey, no- That’s fine.” She said, patting Yasha clumsily on the shoulder. “I’ll uh, stop, if that’s what you want?”

“No- I just-” Yasha sighed, “I can’t return it. Not right now. I just want you to know that I know, okay? And that I’m sorry.” Awkwardly, and after great hesitation, Yasha leaned forward and took the monk’s hand. She squeezed it and gave her a small smile, quickly ducking her head as she began to walk away.

“Hey, Yasha? Don’t be sorry.” 

Yasha glanced behind her. Beau’s hands were clasped at her front, her thumb rubbing her wrist. She was smiling, albeit sadly.

“I’ll wait for you, yeah? We cool?”

That made Yasha smile. “Yeah, Beau. We’re cool.” She replied, tucking a braid behind her ear and turning away. She headed for her horse, ignoring the warmth spreading across her cheeks.

_We’re cool._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> This is my first fanfic like, ever. I haven't written any fiction since Year 9 in high school (4 years ago) and now I'm doing a science degree sooooo any (constructive) criticism would be greatly appreciated.
> 
> Gotye's "Hearts a Mess" is where the title comes from, and if you give it a listen I think it's a perfect song for Beau & Yasha. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated :-)
> 
> Find me @merrigold on tumblr


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